In-depth Analysis: Chris Obekpa’s shorts. Questions in need of answers.

Baby tigers, blocked shots and short shorts.  That’s how teammate D’angelo Harrison describes Chris Obekpa.  As “C.O.” becomes known around the NCAA for being the shot blocker with the short shorts, we felt the need to answer the burning question, “just how short are C.O.’s shorts?”

According to his teammates, sometimes he takes regular shorts and rolls them up, other times he wears a legitimately undersized pair.  Either way there’s a lot of man-thigh showing so let’s compare his naked quads to some legendary nut-hugger wearing players from the 80’s.

* side note: Obekpa is listed at 6’9″ so for fairness, we chose 2 comparative players also listed at 6’9″.  this matters b/c in adults, the femur (thighbone) is the largest bone in the body and accounts for 26.7% of a person’s height, on average.

obekpa with bird and magic take 2

So clearly in this pic, Magic & Bird are wearing legit tighties while C.O. has on the more blousy, rolled-up version.  In this case, with all 3 players standing relatively still, the best look goes to Obekpa mainly b/c of the extra space in the crotch-area.  A little extra thigh is ok as long as it’s not accompanied by and outline of your onions.

obekpa and birdobekpa and magic

In a jumping motion, C.O. fares well again.  Bird has a little bulge happening there which nobody needs to see.  And we’re dangerously close to seeing Magic’s family jewels on the far right.

The scientific rigor of this analysis may be skewed by 2 uncontrollable variables:

1. Magic’s kneepads cover some lower-thigh giving a possible illusion of less exposure.

2. Chris & Larry have thinner legs and “hind-quarters” than Earvin therefore taking up less real-estate inside those trunks.

The verdict:  Obekpa must stick with the rolled-up, blousy version of his daisy-dukes. This will help him play his best, still market himself as the short-shorts guy but avoids the bananna-hammock issue.

And if Chris gets carried away with this, and needs an intervention, the content below should fix it.

obekpa with richard simmons

Follow @BigEastTourney for more hard-hitting analysis of these critical issues

Best Tweet–Worst Tweet: Cheick Diallo NOT going to St. John’s

This was crappy news for the Big East since Diallo chose Kansas so there are no “best tweets” this time…chose the 2 worst tweets.

#2  Obnoxious overuse of a descriptive noun

diallo 4 motors

For the love of Christ, enough.  He has a lot of energy…fantastic.  How about flexing your journalistic thesaurus with descriptors like ‘work ethic’, ‘drive’, ‘persistence’ etc. rather than repeating buzz words.  Ugh.  Annoying just writing about it.

#1 Oh, Fran…don’t.

Diallo worst tweet

Thought Fran was ok dude…til this.  When you crowbar “just got back from a run” into a tweet you’ve entered hardo land.  You have a mere 140 characters to comment on Diallo’s new home and you spend the first 24 of them pumping up your own schmenzer while concurrently attempting to make us feel like slobs?  ZERO reason for that info.  100% irrelevant to the topic. This is bad.  His PR guy should go nuclear and pull the “Fran’s account got hacked” defense to try and save a little face.  Brutal…gives me douche-chills just thinking about it.

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1984 Hoyas “feeling it” v Kentucky. So were the Fat Boys.

Old sports clips/pics can really take you back.  Old songs can do the same. Combine the two (from the same year) and it’s like hopping in a time machine.

The 1984 Final Four saw 1 seeds Georgetown and Kentucky battling nip and tuck for a trip to the title game.  Until the Hoyas went on a 23-3 run to close out the game in stunning fashion.  Safe to say they were “Feeling it” in the second half:

Coincidentally, 1984 also saw the release of the Fat Boys top single, “Can you feel it?”. Guessing coach Thompson played this for his squad at halftime.  Genius.

5 minutes of funk. VCU buzzer beater. 1984 NCAA tourney. Whodini vs. Peppas ?

Five minutes of funk.  1984, the 6th seeded VCU Rams squared off vs. Reggie Lewis and the Northeastern Huskies in the 1st round of the NCAA tournament.  VCU wins on a Rolando Lamb jumper at the buzzer but the final 5 minutes features Lamb v Lewis in a great back & forth:

Meanwhile in 1984, the Peppas weren’t yet the Peppas we’ve come to know & love but a few hundred miles up rt 95 in Brooklyn, Whodini was releasing their “Escape” album with the classic track “5 minutes of funk”.  Players riding to these games w/ headphones, heads bobbing…yeah, pretty sure this was on repeat mode for most of em:

All of this made us wonder.  The VCU athletic band (Peppas) and bandleader Ryan are known for being unconventional…and they already have a DJ.  Might we hear them play some Whodini at the 2016 Atlantic 10 bball tourney? Imagine the Gold Rush Dancers moving to this?  OMG.

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Top Rap hits –> Top bball recruits to Big East: 1987-88. Word Up.

The Sr. HS class of 1987-88 put several great players into Big East programs, led by the quartet of Mourning, Owens, Sealy & C. Smith.  (UPDATE: Eric Murdock, PC guard)

That same year also saw top hits released by Big Daddy Kane, Eric B & Rakim, LL Cool J, Kool Moe Dee and Public Enemy.

Old school player bio’s are fun trips down memory lane but we can take an even more vivid visit by linking players to top releases of that year.  Ones they likely had in their cassette decks. (I know we did)

Alonzo Mourning probably practiced those mid-range jumpers to Kool Moe Dee’s release “how you like me now”.  Cool, but with a little attitude…sounds about right.

alonzo mourning

The late Malik Sealy (boogie-down Bronx) may have been drawn to the smooth but powerful style of Big Daddy Kane (Bed-Stuy Brooklyn) who released “the wrath of kane” in 1988 before heading to the Redmen (storm) of St. Johns.

malik sealy 

Chris Smith, the consummate floor leader for Uconn, HAD to like the beat of Eric B and Rakim’s “follow the leader” released earlier that year.  Smith prob got an early copy since his Bridgeport facility was only a short ferry ride across the LI Sound to Eric B/Rakim’s studio in Long Island.

chris smith

Finally, the “chill” nature of one LL Cool J had to appeal to Billy Owens; known to be relatively quiet/relaxed but still dominant on the floor.  “Going back to Cali” was a hit in 87 while Owens was considering “going up to Syracuse”.

billy owens

UPDATE: Eric Murdock (aka the man of steal) was a sophomore at Providence College in 1988 when Public Enemy released “It Takes A Nation of Millions…” album.  Safe to assume the man of steal spent more than a few car rides head-bobbing to P.E.’s classic track “black STEEL in the hour of chaos”.

eric murdock

Best tweet…Worst tweet re: Kris Dunn news Wednesday

Adrian Wojnarowski reported Kris Dunn’s return to PC yesterday (4/22) afternoon:Dunn wojnarowski

A Woj is the most dialed-in insider in the history of insiders…so this news is pretty much official but the PC athletic dept quickly dampened the mood with their tweet…leading to the BEST tweet on the Kris Dunn news coming from @friarblog :

dunn friarblog 2

Literally laughed out loud at that one.  The beauty was in the timing and delivery.  After a furious flurry of celebratory tweets the PC athletics tweet caused a 30 second twitter-pause while we all read/processed the info.  Then, after the seemingly long pause comes the simple “wut” from friarblog.  Not “what?”…that wouldn’t have captured the correct reaction of stunned disappointment with mouth hanging open. Perfect.

Conversely, we’ve got this PC student in the cafeteria contradicting Wojnarowski:dunn reaction worst tweetOh…well then. Forget that Woj has every basketball executive, coach & player on speed-dial…this kid got the REAL scoop while in line for a second helping of american chop-suey.  (and what’s w/ the twitter handle, guy?)