Watching Joey Crawford putter up/down the floor during 2015 NBA playoffs inspired me to re-visit his work. Now attempting the impossible; determining which moments are douchier than others for this angry little troll. New set of batteries in the douche-meter so here goes:
#12 Down Goes Crawford (Pt 1)
One of the funniest but only scores 5 on the douche-meter. If he didn’t run like such a douche he would have scored a 0. He owns some of this.
#11 Down goes Crawford (pt 2)
From 2015 playoffs. This is becoming a bit too common, no? At what point do we get this guy a walker? Very funny but only slightly douchey. Another 5 on the scale.
#10 Joey impersonates Ed Grimley
Also, funny but not overly douchey. Just a little excessive enthusiasm. Douche-meter reads 6.
#9 Joey gets in the way…Part I
First rule of officiating is to stay out of the way. If you’re too old, fat & slow to run your “ref lane assignments” then realize it & jog down while out of bounds. Douchometer 6.5
#8 Twinkletoes Crawford
Way to make yourself the focal point Jo-Craw. Your excessive enthusiasm mixed with your douchiness and the result was both funny and cringe-worthy. Douche score 7.
#7 Joey woke up with a thick hair stretched firmly across his ass
Not sure exactly what Bargnani said, but I’ll bet I’ve said much worse to the checkout lady at the supermarket & she takes it in stride like a champ. Significantly impacting the game b/c your in a bad mood. Your random irritability earned you 7.3 douche-points on this one, Joe.
#6 Hardo move of the month
This was on pace to be an all time douche move…until he said ‘thank you’ then grabbed his nuts. That helped keep this one down to a 7.5
#5 Joey gets in the way…Part II
In the Redick one…Joey was just to fat & slow to get out of the way, here he still has enough juice to move but chooses to pirouette off Curry’s hip rather than slow-up. Big difference leading to an 8 on the douche scores.
#4 Joey ignores video evidence, ejects Taj Gibson w/ flagrant-2
Nothing Joey loves more than determining outcome of NBA games. Another ref was right on top of this but noooo…Joey has to come puttering in to take over from 40 ft away. Anyone thinking video replay of Dellavedova’s initial leg-lock causing Gibson’s kick would change Joey’s megalomaniacal mind was mistaken. Ejecting Taj with a flagrant-2 for a relatively mild response to Dellavedova’s actions is the most Joey Crawford move in the history of Joey Crawford moves. Douche-factor 8.5
#3 Joey piques
Little tense today Joe? The rod up his ass has a rod up it’s ass. Ejecting a future HOF’er for laughing on the bench has the douche-o-meter pegging 9.
#2 Hardo move of the year
Just a straight up hardo, asshole, douchebag move berating a mop guy in public. 9.5
#1 The worst
So…if you’re too top-heavy to stop and bump a player out of bounds, just call a foul on the guy nearest you? Honestly why not just call Billups for a flagrant 1 while you’re at it…he (you) weren’t making a play on the ball. He literally shoves Jones out of bounds and immediately points to Billups and says ‘you did that’. The pinnacle of incompetent douchiness. A perfect 10.
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